Felicity - Back in black
by bremen100
Summary: This story focuses on the part when felicity begins to hallucinate from the meds that she had been subjected to when her gothic self shows up. Set after season 4 episode 11,will Felicity finally be able to face her fears? This story will basically deal with her worst fears her, dark side, what she had been through.. Just a idea that I felt like writing about.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note – Hello there. This is another story that I had thought concocting, just another one but with a slight twist from the initial plot. Just when Felicity begins to hallucinate from the meds that she had been subjected to. Set after season 4 episode 11, will Felicity finally be able to face her fears? Or will it be start of something new? Will her dark self completely consume her? Or was her past so tainted that she was forced to bury it for good.

That is it, as revealing anything more would reveal the story.

Happy reading.

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Right after that fateful accident, things had been pretty bad and problematic for Felicity for she could no longer depend on herself.

The accident had her completely disabled. She would never be able to move on her own. She had just lost her freedom.

Oliver had just gone out leaving her with one of the most fulfilling kisses, full on her lips as his lips caressed hers, only a slight amount of tongue but just the right amount to make her want him want more, it was like as if she was being tested and savoured, she wanted to push herself in him.

Be him.

She almost moaned out in ecstasy but it was still short lived.

Oliver quickly pulled away from her when things had started to get a bit more interesting.

"Felicity, I have got to go, information just came in, a possible threat. I have to go."

He looked at her with those piercing olive green eyes that made her all fluttery.

 _"_ _Oh, Oliver. What would I not give up to spend every night with you."_ She thought. She knew that the emerald archer, he had to look out for the people of Star City. She knew that he was irreplaceable, with all that was going on around them.

The people of Start City needed him more than she needed him.

Damien Darhk was still at large. And God knows that he could be behind all of this.

She could see his concern emanating from him and she could not blame him.

Oliver had been pissed, he was so out of his normal self that sometimes it even scared Felicity.

She knew that her disability, the cowardly attack yet so properly orchestrated by Darhk was everything to do with all of this.

She knew and she was concerned about him. So that he would not turn up doing something stupid.

But still, Felicity smiled at him. She knew that he was in control.

He was angry, but the beast inside him was caged still. The positivity in him was undisputable.

Oliver kneeled and planted a light warm kiss on forehead.

"Felicity, I will be back. It won't take long." He smiled at her.

"Oliver, just be safe. And I will be waiting for you."

She smiled back at him and looked at him. Oliver solely paces back to the door and looked at her before he disappeared behind the wooden red mahogany door.

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It was almost two hours now.

She rolled up her wheel chair, it was time to take her pills.

Oliver had kept them, just beside the table, a place that was well within her reach.

Oliver had already kept a glass of water, that was covered and the pill lay beside the table, just like she had told him to.

She almost giggled.

Oliver took her too seriously.

She moved the wheels on the wheel chair and reached the corner of the table, took out a few pills from the xanthous plastic bottle and spilled them on the table.

Five of them rolled up and slid along the glass table. She pushed three of them back into the bottle and popped in the remaining two swallowing it with the stored water in the glass.

Just as she was moving around, thinking of something to do, her eyes fell on a stack of old magazines that Thea had left, the last time she visited the two of them.

She was just moving around to get them and that was when she heard a voice.

A voice that chilled her to the very core.

"Ooh, why didn't I get invited to this kitty party?"

It seemed vaguely familiar to her. Like it was wild and untamed, nothing to hold it down. Something about the voice symbolised power and strength and freedom. But still the chills that was going through her hand, to her fingertips were undeniable.

Felicity turned her head, like her heart literally skipped a beat.

"Hello?" Felicity spoke up loud in a quivering voice.

There should be no one in the house.

Oliver had just left, after having found a new lead.

Bottom statement, there should be absolutely no one in the apartment.

She moved around, her palms sweaty almost slipping from the rails of the steel wheel that was attached to her chair, all out of paranoia, for not being able to see and understand the unknown.

Still she managed to pull herself the place where she found the intensity of the voice at maximum.

"Just found the right party favours. Three pills are a bit much but who am I to judge."

Well, this now officially creeped her out.

Who was this?

Felicity was scared and this feeling now intensified manifold, her being handicapped contributing to it furthermore.

The feeling that she could no longer use her legs when she needed them, made heart hammer too loud on her chest that she could hear the severe pounding against her chest.

She could not do anything other than more around her chair swiftly as far as she could push her arms

If it really was someone prancing about in their apartment, she could no longer fend for her own.

Now that she depended more and more on Oliver but since he was not there, there was absolutely nothing that she mind could think of.

She was scared shitless but still she managed to play it rough.

Who knows maybe her acting tough would help her get the upper edge?

She knew that it was a long shot, but still it was worth a try.

So she steeled her nerves, calmed her mind and spoke up once again.

"Okay whoever you are you picked the wrong woman on the wrong night to mess with."

Felicity felt a lot for confident now for having said this but she knew better, there was no way she would ever get to defend herself in this condition. But again the feeling crept upon her like she was being haunted, being watched, scrutinised.

And something about the voice sounded vaguely familiar, like someone distant but the familiarity was undeniable.

What was happening?

"Please, we both know you are in no position to do anything at least in that pitiful state. If only you had gone back out in the real world instead of being stuck in this make believe world of yours where you think yourself to be so wanted and important."

"Oh my god! What is going on? oh..! What is going on? Uhh… hahaha my God. Huh huh. My God I am loosing it. I am completely losing it. Aaah … Now I am talking to myself."

Felicity was sure now.

The nature of the echoing voice.

It was all her imagination. She was pissed at herself, for she was the one who was making a fool of herself.

 _Should be because of those pills. Damn pills._ She thought.

She was sure that the voice was hers. That was what that sounded so strange and something so far away and familiar.

The same intensity, the way she used to speak but strangely this voice of hers had a razor edged, a deadly and a very carefree feel to her own voice.

"Not exactly"

Felicity was stunned.

Whoever it was, it was just a like her doppelganger clad completely different. There was nothing similar about her other than the striking resemblance on their face

She had never seen herself like this, not for a very long time.

All right hallucinations were one thing but this thing was on a completely different level.

She was staring at herself.

Her stunned face complemented that of the lofty grin that the other girl had.

Back in the days when she was young and carefree, the joy of hacking before she decided to settle down and lead a life as a boring IT girl.

It was her dark side.

Just like Oliver had his. The killer that he was.

That Felicity helped in some way to purge out his broken persona.

Little did she know that it would be her revelling along the darkness within her own self.

She was scared.

To finally come face to face with the complete contrast of her.

The opposite of her.

Her alternate version. The gothic girl that she once was.

Standing right in front of her.

"Do tell me IT girl, how does it feel to be back in the chair of your undoing?''

Her darker self, mocked her.

She was scared of her past, like looking back at her shadow, she had done pretty horrible things back then and there was no way she could face them all like a rising tide.

It would be too much for her. Too overwhelming.

Her dark self, spoke to her.

"Oh come on now, you took up the most boring desk job in the world, in an attempt to hide away from your past, thinking that this would be last time you would do a job for someone."

"You think this will save you."

She came and stood dangerously close in front of her. There was madness in her.

"Look what you are missing. And the moment you thought of leaving all of this behind this and be a hero see where you got yourself." said her darker self almost mocking her.

"You think you are really a hero? Tell me Felicity, do you really think you are a Hero? A first class hacker looking for her own needs now trying to be a hero. Oh please, like that can ever happen and look where it got you? Straight down to the sucking your own dust."

Felicity had started to suck in huge gasps of breaths, she was scared. She never had such an episode with her ever before. Like her head was on overdrive..

What was the reason for all this?

She felt head, strained.

Her thoughts and her mind were in a complete turmoil.

It felt like a volcano that was waiting to erupt inside of her. The undeniable pain in her head that she could not control.

"Yes, that's it", echoed the dark girl, her voice coaxing Felicity, in her head. It was almost like she was coaxing her to loose herself, give away all the control and give in to the dark desire that was buried so deep within her.

Felicity knew desire that was pitting against her stomach.

"Just a little more, babe, just a tad bit more."

Felicity could feel a lump well up inside her throat.

Like someone was trying to invade her, a long lost side of her that she never thought herself to be a part of something that made her one of the most feared hackers, a time.

The time when she had raven black hair, she was all in her bad ass gothic outfit, tight jeans, a black leather jacket, piercing all over her ear and another one just beside her brows.

She was a dangerous person back then.

It was her. She could not understand it.

Could it be true?

But her other self was right by the way about one thing. She was weak and dependent and making her leave this world and pursue a completely world other than her own.

Like the goth girl was the self-righteous one, and that she was all wrong.

What could she do?

She had grown tired of it? She had left all of it for a particular reason.

And she believed with all her heart that she had made the right choice.

"I know what, you have been thinking all this time thinking that you were such a saint. Have you told Oliver what you had done? I bet he knows even a fraction of the things that you had done."

Felicity could not let her invade her head. She had to gain control of herself. She spoke out loud to the entity. She had to be strong.

"Oh what do you mean? I never hide anything from him. And I will never do that. That is the kind of trust that the two of us share. You won't even begin to imagine .."

"Oh spare me the crap. Just shut all that load of BS. Like I really care. You know what I am talking about, right, right from the beginning. Your conspiracy. I just wonder if he ever came to know your involvement in the Queen family. Oh how I love that drama. One of my favourite past time is when I start to remember the deal that you had signed on with Moira Queen. That deal was sweet. Damn that brat, Oliver, it had always been boys for you wasn't it?"

The moment when she her alternate persona mentioned Oliver's dead mother, Felicity cringed like a small puppy, she had a really bad taste in her mouth, like something really disgusting, like skunk smell, like betrayal at the highest level, something that she had buried deep inside her.

Those damned memories that was left behind such deep holes in her heart.

She was ashamed.

The reason was for her joining as a boring IT girl, the moment when she decided to leave everything behind just for her gain.

She had almost forgotten them, they seemed so distant like the memories of a completely different person.

Like leading a different life.

But the moment when she laid her eyes on Oliver, was the moment when she had really felt a distant longingness, her body grew so hot, her palms used to sweat every time she looked at him but he seldom even bothered to turn and grace her with a look cause he was always busy with girls wrapped around his arms, pulling out public stunts, beating up and even urinating in public but still he was heart wrenchingly charming.

Felicity knew that she was there to complete the task assigned to her. The check that Moira Queen had given her had the highest number of zeroes that she had ever seen on a check and the smell of green currency bill was too intoxicating for her, for she was so easily swayed by money during those days. She even gave up her identity, changed the way she looked, switched on to glasses and her fashion sense was a complete contradiction to what she used to put on.

Her dress now bore more colours, no more mundane colour combinations.

Felicity sometimes even wondered that it was really her once, sometime long ago.

She was so cold, calculating and hard.

But in spite of all that she did it only looked out for herself, it did not matter if it was for her own needs or for some other work.

It was her way.

That had been her way of life.

Her past life before Oliver returned back from the dead a second time.

The five fated years on the island of Lian yu.

It took a completely different turn for her.

And the first time when he walked in through the front door of her office. The IT department.

Although he was completely clad over in denim pants and a beige shirt but she knew men.

She could tell that she was looking at someone other than Oliver or the Oliver that had been a cruel example of how time has a drastic effect on someone.

The cold hard face that was set upon his face was enough to push her over the edge and that pair of piercing green eyes, something told her that there was a story in them.

That moment when he said something to her about helping him check out a laptop that was filled with bullet holes.

His hands when he handed out them to her.

Those bulging veins that were so prominent, stuck out on his finger bones so distinctively.

Felicity noticed it all.

She acted like she was focussed on the laptop but her mind was completely seared on his strong muscular powerful body.

She was thankful that she was gifted with the laser focussed intellect of hers. She could keep into account what she spoke although she muttered and fluttered most of the time. She knew that she did not make much sense to him but that was her own way of understanding when she thought about something too much, like a trait that was latent in her, something that she discovered the first time when he stood beside him.

Like she was struck by lightning.

"Hi there four eyes, I am right here, did you just zone out?" said her darker self almost disbelievingly, waving her right hand in front of her.

Felicity looked at her with rage. She was angry.

She hated if anyone retorted her, especially when she found that it was herself making fun of her own self.

This level of humiliation knew no boundaries.

Felicity gritted her teeth.

"Aww … the blonde is angry, like I really care." she contemplated her.

"You have really become dumb, that blonde dye had even started to effect you now in spite of all of this … Tell me one thing truthfully now. Do you think you can ever tell him about your hand behind this conspiracy that the old Moira Queen made you do, do you think you can ever come clean with all of it? Do you think that you can say that it was you who was responsible for submerging the Queen's gambit? Do you think that you could ever do that? Do you? And was it you who helped orchestrate the big event? "

Felicity was in the brink of breakdown.

"Just food for thought, you know to get your mind going."

So saying, she disappeared completely, just like the suddenness of her unnatural appearance.

Felicity waited for a moment.

She could not take risks.

But after sometime she moved to the pill container that was kept on the side of the slab, just like she had placed. She picked it up and looked at the small frail printed letters along the body of the bottle. The bottle stated the presence of sudden and mild form of hallucinations if it is ever taken more than the prescribed amount.

That was when she remembered the last time had popped three pills instead of one.

Could there be such a drastic change for taking in more pills?

But the most important question that was now bugging now more than ever.

Her guilty conscience, for having betrayed the Queen family.

What could she do?

"There is only one way out of all this madness."

Felicity knew that she had to disappear now. She could no longer live with the fact on the role that she had to partake.

Had she not done that, maybe Oliver and his father would have never made on to the trip on the Queen's gambit.

It was all her fault and she had run away from all the madness that was threatening to consume her up so bad.

She was a murderer and that she had played a vital role in the creation of the Green Arrow.

She had to go.

She had to leave Oliver, for his sake, for her friends' stake.

She could only do so much.

She had to disappear. She had to leave everything behind and go back to the world that she had once chosen before.

The dark counterpart had been right.

She wasn't destined for all of this vigilante bull shit. That wasn't her. That was never her.

It was just a façade.

She convinced herself.

She was the lean mean, dark and bad ass computer hacker that the world has ever seen and that is what the world will ever know of her.

She had to roll back…

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That is it for now.

I hope you get the idea I am trying to implement over here.

Any queries or doubts or if by any chance I had managed to get any fact wrong, please do tell me so that they could corrected. Reviews or PMs, positive negative anything at all are appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi there. Sorry for the immensely long time I took for uploading this chapter. I just had a rough time trying to figure out the plot. But for now I am stable with the story.

Hope you like it the way I am bringing out Felicity.

Please rate and leave reviews. And if I get anything wrong, please don't hesitate to PM or leave a review regarding the same.

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It was late at night.

Her head was burning up. She was sick.

She felt lightheaded.

The thing that happens when a person is traveling in a small cooped up place, thousands and thousands of feet from the sea level.

The controlled oxygenated environment further aggravated this feeling of light-headedness that made her want to puke and empty her already vacant bowels.

But still she did not feel like eating anything.

The hum was not at all pleasant.

The flight was just outrageously long.

Six hours and thirty minutes was no joke.

There wasn't enough leg space.

The entire thing looked so cramped up.

True, it had been so long since the last time, she took to travelling in the cheap flights.

She had to get used to stop living the lavish life that she had, as she knew that life was just for name sake. It had really value in her heart but she knew that all of that was a deceit, a deception for what she was, everything that she was and had will be a closed chapter, a chapter that she could never relive once again, as it would bring back painful memories.

Her friends, her love, she had a life but no …

No that wasn't her.

That void will forever remain a part of her.

The emptiness inside her was a giant weight on her heart.

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Felicity was on her way to New York.

The only place that she knew like the back of her hand.

Every alley way, every street, every nook and corner was in etched on her mind. Every illegal stuff that went on under everyone's nose, the worse neighbourhoods.

The one roomed dorm where she did all her hacking with her boyfriend before she finally decided to break up with him.

Those were the days of her own free will, the days where she listened to no one, but herself.

The days where she was free of the dreams, the normal dreams that haunted everyone except her all because she was happy with the way she lived her life.

Free of any worldly tensions and being all on her own, no bragging by her mother.

Anyway money had never really been a problem for her.

Felicity had hacked her way into some of the most secured servers, company secrets, occasional funding from the bank, crating bonds, and forging cleverly done in small amounts trying not to draw anyone's attention.

She was the best at what she did.

And for that she was never sad, she was happy for the person for who she was.

Every day was had a sense of danger,

And she lived within the cusp of madness and she enjoyed every last second of it.

Until that fateful day.

The day where she made the deal with the devil just for the number of zeroes that would make her life permanent and she was so ready for it.

She could finally settle down.

Maybe lay down a bit low.

And then she would start all over again.

She just felt that she needed the taste of that rich money.

Spend it, have a bit of time off.

Some place sexy, like the Hawaii, Madrid, France.

Just once, the moment she thought of settling down … that thought, the action for which she was ready to do it, for the smell of fresh green bucks straight from the minting headquarters of Philadelphia, that thought. She never ever knew that it would prove to be so very heavy inside her.

In just a few moments she would New York and place everything behind her.

The place that held her down and be in a place where she could be free.

Even for Palmer tech. she was just glad that she stepped down from her position as the acting CEO.

She was done.

There was no Ray Palmer. He won't come back.

She cared for him and this was what had happened to him, like she was the evil one in spite of doing nothing.

The evil always out new out new ways to catch up to her.

Felicity hadn't seen him in such a long time.

Nothing in this world. Every time she felt like, like she was pummelled from the existence, first she lost her legs and that didn't affect her much but the events thereafter … No she just couldn't.

The place where she had tried to do something was just nothing short of satiating, finding a place where she could have been happy, get married and then finally settled down, with a few kids of her own.

But she now knew better, nothing of that sort was written on fate.

God had something else in plan for her.

But something had remained constant for her.

The power that cannot be measured by common sense, the power that makes the impossible possible, the name of the hurricane that blows everything over, is love.

The ultimate force that made her want to stay back in Star City and think of all the sweet and salty moments that all of them shared with Oliver John Diggle, Thea, the Laurels, every single time, whenever they had been through thick and thin.

Her love for Oliver for who he is, for what she stands for, will never be enough, Felicity knew that.

She fell for him bad and hard.

Maybe she would never get over him.

But she knew that she to let him go for that was not the person that Ollie was.

She knew that she bought out the best in Oliver.

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The seat beside her was empty.

Felicity had taken a window seat, she put her head on the cool plastic glass window, savouring in the coolness that directly complemented her burning smooth alabaster skin.

She was at peace. Just a hour more and she would be free of this pressurised canister.

 _This is how it should have started right from the beginning. I should have never left._ Thought Felicity.

A faint voice echoed up to her. A male gruff voice. It was rough but beguiling at the same time.

And then the movement of someone heavy setting down beside her, forced her open her puffy red eyes.

It was an old man. Like any other overgrown man but he seemed to have a charm of his own. His body was toned, a wire rimmed specs sat on his hooked nose.

Something in him was distantly familiar, she could not deny it. Age had caught up with him, wringles clung to face but it was him.

"Dad?!"

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As usual I hope that everything was alright.

Please really let me know if I make any mistake because it is just me as an alpha with my Indian English to help me and no beta.

J


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